Josh on Ice
by thereturnofdipsh4t
Summary: President Bartlet invites Yuri and Victor to the Oval Office after the events of Yuri on Ice. Their presence awakens feelings inside of Josh that he had long buried - feelings for somebody else in the West Wing. But a freak accident means that Josh and Sam have to perform a pair skate in Yuri and Victor's place, and the skaters must replace them in the West Wing.
1. Chapter 1

Hello class. It has been a long time since we've been able to hold lecture because of the dean. However, we are now back in session with this very deep work I have produced. It will force you to make deeper analyses than you ever have before. I expect great work from all of you.

-

The seemingly endless camera lights flashed in Yuri's eyes. He was shaking the wrinkled yet smooth hand of Martin Sheen as President Bartlet in the oval office. "Congratulations on destroying homophobia in Japan and Russia," he said. Vice President Hoynes and Victor stood behind them with their hands behind their backs, Hoynes's plastic smile a contrast to Victor's genuine admiration for his husband-to-be.

"Th-thank you," Yuri stammered. "It's such an honour to be here. Washington is very different from Detroit."

As President Bartlet, Martin Sheen laughed. "And very different from New Hampshire. That's where I'm from. And let me tell you, I still will never accept maple syrup from anywhere but my home state."

As all of this happened, Josh looked on, hiding his forlorn feelings beneath the mask of a west wing staffer. Although he was not known for hiding his contempt, let alone having tact, there were some situations where he could muster whatever manners he had learned from CJ. There was a tugging at his heart that he couldn't place when he saw the glint of Yuri's gold engagement ring.

Josh had been in committed relationships before, so he knew it wasn't jealousy. Well, it couldn't be, right? He was straight. Right?

Donna swished into the room and shoved a styrofoam cup into Josh's hands, breaking him out of his trance. "Your coffee," she said.

"I asked for coffee?" Josh inquired.

"You did. Three minutes ago." She rolled her eyes. "So don't pretend that this is like when you almost got fired and I brought you some out of sympathy." She was referring to the West Wing pilot episode, 1x01, where Josh almost got fired.

Phichit was there, too, recently hired by Leo as his new assistant. He was already forming a friendship with Charlie. Phichit got the job after Leo's divorce; Leo had been lonely and needed to cover up his emotional affair with Martin Sheen as President Bartlet. Phichit helped them hide it from the press. Dr. Phil would say that it didn't count as a real affair if there was no physical contact, but they wanted to be safe, not sorry.

"Hey, Charlie," Phichit said, and they left.

Back to Josh, though. Josh thanked Donna and left the room before he had to face whatever emotions Yuri and Victor's engagement had stirred up inside of him.

However, that plan didn't quite work out when he bumped into...Sam. The exact person he had been trying not to think about ever since the skaters' arrival. "Hey Josh," Sam said, sounding surprised. "You aren't watching the ceremony?"

"Nah," Josh said, heaving a sigh. "I have a lot of work to do. As always."

But before he could escape to his office, gasps and screams broke out from within the oval office. Josh and Sam looked at each other, and then bolted over to investigate the commotion.

Yuri had broken his leg. "Oh no," Charlie said, "what are we going to do about the pair skate now?!"

"What pair skate?" Josh asked.

"Yuri and Victor were going to skate for us next week," Leo said. "Don't you remember? Now we'll have to find replacements."

"We can't just cancel the event?" CJ said.

"Shut up, CJ! You work with the press. You know we can't just cancel it!" Toby said.

"Maybe I can help," Sam said quietly. Everyone in the room turned to look at him. Yuri tried his best to look too but couldn't really because he was still on the ground, writhing in pain. "In my youth, I used to figure skate."

"I won't skate without Yuri!" Victor cried.

"So I'll skate with someone else," Sam said. "Another man. Someone who I can easily lift. Someone like…" He turned to look at Josh. "You, Josh."

"ME?!" Josh screamed. "I dunno how to skate!"

"Then I'll be your coach!" Celestino said. Everybody gasped. How did he get inside the White House?! The window was open behind him, the cold winter air gusting in.

"Who are you?!" Josh asked.

"Only the best coach in the land," Victor said, in awe. "I can't believe he wants to coach yoU!"

Josh sank to his knees. What was he going to do?! He wanted to help but was he really the best candidate? And was he ready to be so close...to Sam?

"Meanwhile, Victor and Yuri can replace your jobs in the west wing," Leo said. Martin Sheen as President Bartlet nodded in approval and got out his familial vape rig. Yuri nodded too and then clutched his leg again.

Victor laughed. "How funny that things would turn out like this!"

TO BE CONTINUED…..

-

Please analyze the following questions class. They're due in next week's tutorial.

1\. How do you think homophobia still existing in the United States will affect the characters' interactions?  
2\. What is the symbolism of Yuri's broken leg in terms of US-Japanese relations?  
3\. Leo


	2. Chapter 2

PREVIOUSLY ON JOSH ON ICE...

"Victor! We got an invitation to go to Washington!" Yuri said.

He was shaking the wrinkled yet smooth hand of Martin Sheen as President Bartlet in the oval office. "Congratulations on destroying homophobia in Japan and Russia," he said.

Sam. The exact person he had been trying not to think about ever since the skaters' arrival.

Yuri had broken his leg. "Oh no," Charlie said, "what are we going to do about the pair skate now?!"

"So I'll skate with someone else," Sam said. "Another man. Someone who I can easily lift. Someone like…" He turned to look at Josh. "You, Josh."

"Meanwhile, Victor and Yuri can replace your jobs in the west wing," Leo said.

* * *

Josh stared out the window. He thought about the glistening ice, the way he had seen Yuri and Victor glide across it. Could he ever skate like that?

As if reading his mind, Sam walked into Josh's office. "Worried?" Sam asked.

"I won't lie, Sam," Josh said, "I don't know if we can pull this off."

"We have to try," Sam encouraged. "We have a week. That's plenty of time for me and Celestino to show you the ropes."

"What if I mess up and ruin everything?"

"Since when have you been so insecure?" Sam said.

"I just...want to be good enough. For everyone." He paused. "For you."

Sam sputtered. "Whaddya mean by that?!"

"N-nothing. Forget it," Josh said quietly. He turned again to look out the window at the rain. The rain pitter-pattering against the window filled the silence.

Victor burst into Josh's office. "Hi!" He exclaimed and flipped his luscious locks. "This is my office now! So shoo." He slammed his things down on the desk. "By the way, Yuri and I are totes going to have sex in here, so I hope that's okay. We'll work around the cast somehow."

Josh cringed and decided not to think about that ever.

On the way to the skating rink, Josh and Donna were deep in conversation. "I can't believe they're going to do that to my office!"

"At least you have an office," Donna grumbled quietly.

Before Josh could complain any more, Celestino appeared on Otabek's motorcycle. "Hey Josh, you're late," Celestino said.

"But so are you!" Josh said.

"You got me there."

They both went inside and Sam was tapping his foot with impatience. "Where were you?" Sam asked. "I already practiced Victor's parts of the routine."

"Sam, you should know from our backstory together that I'm always late," Josh said in accordance with my fan theory.

Same sighed. "But Josh! You know this is important. You may not be punctual, but this is a major responsibility. Everybody on earth is going to be watching this pair skate. Literally all 7 billion people have told us that they'd be tuning in."

"All 7 billion?!" Josh gasped. "It's just figure skating!"

"Well, those skaters took the world by storm. You have no idea how popular they are now. It's a big deal that we're filling their shoes, and you need to get your act together."

"You sound like Toby," Josh said.

They both cracked up laughing. It was time to practice - or to learn, for Josh.

"Don't worry, Josh. If you fall, I'll catch you," Sam said. Josh fought against the blush rising up to his cheeks. He hoped that the cool air in the ice rink would disguise it. He struggled to tie up his skates in the changing room, but eventually got them.

Upon stepping onto the ice, he clutched onto the barrier. Meanwhile, Sam effortlessly glided around the rink. To warm up, he landed three quadruple loops in a row.

"Holy shit," Josh said.

"Okay, you two!" Celestino announced. "Here is the song that Yuri and Victor were going to skate to." He put on Ave Maria, but the version by David Bisbal. A tear threatened to fall from Josh's eye but he turned away to hide it. However, once the song got started in earnest and he heard Bisbal's butchering of a timeless classic, he got over it immediately.

"We have to skate to this?!" Josh and Sam said in unison.

"I'm taking you out of your comfort zone," Celestino said.

"But I don't even know how to skate! I have no comfort zone!" Josh cried.

"It's okay. You'll learn fast," Celestino said. He clapped loudly. "Now push with your left skate and try to skate towards Sam."

Josh pushed as he was told, propelling himself forward to his handsome coworker. Wait, handsome?! Did he just think that?! Josh stumbled and fell into Sam's arms.

Meanwhile…

* * *

Back in the White House, Yuri and Victor were quickly adjusting to their new positions. It turned out that Yuri had a knack for speech writing, and was even better than Sam at giving White House tours - not that that was saying much. However, he always seemed to incorporate pork cutlet bowls into his speeches as a metaphor.

"Redo this," Leo said. "Change 'pork cutlet bowls' to something more American!"

"But Mr. McGarry, America is a multicultural society!" Yuri said, reflecting on his five years of college. He and Phichit had eaten all kinds of foods in Detroit alone.

"Yeah!" JJ said. JJ was the new Canadian ambassador to the US. He was at the White House to see his international fans and also to promote his brand.

"Fine," Leo grumbled. Really, he enjoyed the taste of katsudon(that's Japanese for pork cutlet bowl, you uncultured swine) ever since Yuri introduced it to him. He was just mad because of his divorce, and because Bartlet (Sheen) was away that day. Also, Leo is from New England, so he is an angry man.

"But if the President doesn't like it," Leo continued, "we'll take out the pork cutlet bowls."

Later, upon reading it, Martin Sheen AKA President Bartlet's eyes welled up with tears. "This is better than anything I've ever read," he said, "especially when I was doing my undergrad at Notre Dame. In fact...I almost want to keep Yuri on."

TO BE CONTINUED…...

* * *

Questions for you, class.

1\. How does my insertion of my own commentary into the narrative mirror 19th century prose such as that found in Victor Hugo's work?  
2\. What are the differences between how ice is used in Breaking Kristoff, one of my earlier works, and Josh on Ice?  
3\. How aware do you think Josh is of his feelings for Sam, and how do they parallel both Leo and Bartlet's affair and the events of Yuri on Ice?

Lara, your answers in our last class were exemplary and you will be receiving a very good participation grade this semester. Class, please keep in mind Lara's remark about Yuri's leg also being separated. This is the kind of attention to detail that we expect in a university-level course.

xXFallenAngelGraceXx, your analysis of homophobia was very deep. However, you need to develop your third answer more. You will still receive a good grade on this, but try to really consider why Leo.


	3. Chapter 3

PREVIOUSLY ON JOSH ON ICE…

"I'd love to be the ambassador, President Bartlet!" JJ said.

"I won't lie, Sam," Josh said, "I don't know if we can pull this off."

"By the way, Yuri and I are totes going to have sex in here, so I hope that's okay. We'll work around the cast somehow."

"Everybody on earth is going to be watching this pair skate. Literally all 7 billion people have told us that they'd be tuning in."

Martin Sheen AKA President Bartlet's eyes welled up with tears. "This is better than anything I've ever read," he said, "especially when I was doing my undergrad at Notre Dame. In fact...I almost want to keep Yuri on."

* * *

The next day, Josh and Sam made their way back to the ice rink to practice their Ave Maria routine. Josh pulled out his skates and sighed at all of the scratches and bruises on his feet. He had no idea figure skating would be THIS hard.

"Josh, you need to work on your form," Celestino said. "You keep stumbling around on the ice. You have to be graceful!"

"Use your chakras, Josh!" Donna called from the bleachers.

"Thanks, Donna," Josh said sarcastically. He determinedly set foot onto the ice.

Josh had practiced alone after everybody left the night before. He knew he could do so much better than how he was doing right now. It was just...just...when he saw Sam in the corner, watching him with a heated look, he couldn't help but melt into a puddle, with all of the ice around him melting too.

"I think you're starting to get the hang of it," Celestino said. "Now we should try some jumps."

Josh gulped. Was he really ready to take this step?! Or rather, this glide?!

"I can help you," Sam said. "This is a triple axel." Sam effortlessly lifted off the ice, twirling in the air and landing with the grace of a sexy, sexy swan.

Josh tried to imitate Sam, but it was no use. He just couldn't get high enough in the air, landing on his butt after just one rotation.

Sam glided over to him and helped him to his feet. He smiled and whispered, "Just imagine someone lifting you into the air. Someone important to you. IT might help."

Josh nodded, glancing away. Why was his heart pounding so hard all of a sudden? He felt the same way he had felt when he saw Yuri and Victor's engagement rings. But he couldn't acknowledge those feelings now...not when homophobia had not yet been quashed in the United States. It was too dangerous…

Still, Josh skated forward and prepared himself for the triple axel. When he lifted off the ice, without really thinking about it, he imagined Sam as an angel with washboard abs, lifting him through the air. One, two, three turns, and he landed on the ice.

"Josh, that was amazing!" Sam cried. "You landed the axel!"

"I knew you could do it!" Celestino said.

"Yeah," JJ said.

"Did my advice help you? Who did you think about?" Sam asked.

Josh looked away with a faint smile. "It doesn't really matter."

Little did Josh know, the moment he successfully landed the axel, a homophobe somewhere in the US began to glow, morphing into a new form...

* * *

Back at the White House, Yuri was still excelling at his new speech writing position. He had penned an emotional speech about how America could win every battle it waged and every American could eat pork cutlet bowls afterward. The audience was moved to tears.

Afterward, Yuri was summoned to the Oval Office. There, he was greeted by President Bartlet, played by none other than Martin Sheen. "Mr. Katsuki, I have to say, you are a natural at this." He pulled out his e-cig and offered it to Yuri. "You vape?"

"No thanks," Yuri said. "But thank you, Mr. President."

"Please, call me Jed."

Yuri Katsuki smiled, and it was the purest thing Bartlet - and Mr. Sheen, for that matter - had ever seen in his life. "Then you can call me Yuri," he said.

From the doorway, Leo looked on in anger. He couldn't help but feel jealous of the attention that his pseudo-lover was giving to the Japanese skater. What if Yuri and the President had more than an emotional affair? What if things went further? What would Dr. Phil say about that?!

Leo cursed under his breath and left the room, internally vowing to make sure that Yuri Katsuki would never steal his man. He had clearly never watched Yuri on Ice, the successful documentary series of Yuri Katsuki's life, or else he would know how head-over-heels Yuri was for Victor.

Speaking of Victor, the Russian man had been abysmal at his job so far, unlike his fiance. They knew they were going to need outside help - and there was only one person who could rein Victor in. Toby picked up the phone and dialed a Russian phone number.

"Huh? Who is this?" Shouted an angry voice angrily.

"Yuri Plisetsky...you are needed at the White House."

* * *

Thanks for keeping up with your readings, class. Have your answers to these questions ready for our next lecture.

1\. What does JJ's dialogue in this chapter say about modern Canadian identity?

2\. While President Bartlet, played by the very talented Martin Sheen, chooses to vape, Yuri does not. How is this a metaphor for their relationships?

3\. How do you think Yurio's presence will affect the White House and US politics? Share your predictions with the class.

xXFallenAngelGraceXx, thanks again for your insightful contributions. Your knowledge of Breaking Kristoff is superb, as is your comparison between the ice and Sam's b-hole.


End file.
